I miss talking about life already… you know, sans the poetry and whatnot. I’m tired of hiding behind the words. So, today I’m fulfilling a promise I made to Joni - that on Mother’s day, I’ll talk about my Mama.

So this is how the story will start.

There was a family financial crisis when I was born and my Mom was suffering from a heart disease. The hospital was her second home. I remember hearing a story that a certain doctor advised my Mom to abort me when I was just 3 months in her womb or else she / both of us might die.

I do not have moments with her taking good care of me, teaching me to comb my hair, preparing my clothes or watching me learn how to write — but she gave me a gift of blessed and beautiful life. The fact that she chose to suffer and face death just to let me live is really more than enough to thank her.

Growing up without her makes me become a Papa’s girl but I have always believed that she is my angel who is continuously guiding me until now; someone who is always there to bring me back to reality everytime I found myself lost in the dreamland.

Unlike everyone else who participated at Joni’s I heart my Mom meme, my Mama and I didn’t have a chance to have a picture together. In fact, I don’t even have baby pictures of mine. But my eldest kuyas and ate has. I’ve only got two or three I guess.

I used to think maybe because there’s a World War during my childhood days that’s why I don’t have childhood pictures…hehe that will make me soo old na sana eh?. It was only during the teenage years when I realized how the crisis caused so much sadness to our family.

What I have here instead are Mama’s old pictures before she died. Look how beautiful she is.

The picture on the right side are during her University beauty queen days :) Below is my parents’ vintage 1966 wedding invitation and a copy of university newspaper which says: “Then a muse, now a bride…”

Her death has brought a lot of realization to me that - yeah, indeed nobody’s really perfect in this world.

My Mama seems to have everything - kindness, beauty, graduated Magna Cum Laude, literature professor, poet/fiction writer… except for one thing though - her congenital heart disease.

Sigh. I guess that’s how the game of irony is played.

If she’s here right now, she’s probably blogging too and I am so sure she’ll be picking on some sentence structures and grammar issues.

Happy mother’s day Mama. I am sorry if bearing me has caused you to suffer. Don’t worry, I am still keeping my promise to take good care of this opportunity to live.

Aside from love of literature, peronism, poetry and feminism — what does Robert Browning, Evita Peron and me have in common?

We first saw the light on this day. Happy birthday self.

Looking back and looking forward. Below are random words/ phrases which describes past and the upcoming future. Every little thing is essential.

Playin’ around with polyvore sets again. I’m a fan of comfort, colors and simplicity that’s why I love these flat shoes below:

Just right for the summer. I wear those 80% of the time, the remaining percent goes to stiletto or rubber shoes. Wearing stiletto takes a lot of sacrifice. Imagine the agony of ankle sprain and heel pain. My personal rule is not to wear high heeled shoes on a Friday because it is an official gimik / date day for me. It usually involves a lot of walking and window mall shopping. SM Ayala to Glorrieta to Landmark and Greenbelt. ay isang mahaba habang lakaran and during that times - flat shoes makes my day pain-free and relaxing.